No Child Left Behind Act
To: All Employees
From: Dr. LaBeaver
CC: South Skunky Bored of Education
Dr. LaBeaver in response to President Bush's federal "No Child Left
Behind Act" (NCLB), has proposed that students will have to pass a new
Math assessment to graduate from high school. The new test will be
called the Federal Arithmetic and Reading Test, or FART, and will be
administered in the 7th grade. All students who cannot pass a FART in
7th grade will be retested in Grades 8, 9, and 10 until they are
capable of passing a FART score of 80%.
If a student does not successfully FART by grade 10,
that student shall be placed in a separate 11th Grade Math program
known as the Special Math Elective Learning Lab, or SMELL. If, with
this increased SMELL program, the student cannot pass the required FART
test, he or she can still graduate by taking a fall semester course in
Comprehensive Rote Arithmetic Preparation, or CRAP in the 12th Grade.
If by the spring semester of 12th Grade the student
cannot FART, SMELL, or CRAP, he or she can earn a diploma by taking an
intensive seminar known as the Preparatory Requisites for Unprepared
Nationally Exempted Students, or PRUNES.
It is the opinion of the South Skunky Department of
Instruction: Public Schools (DIPS) that an intensive semester of PRUNES
will enable any student to FART, SMELL, or CRAP.
This revised provision of South Skunky student's
curriculum component should help "clear the air" as part of the South
Skunky Schools "No School Left Standing Policy".