1. Don't point at your wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is stupid, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch instead of asking where the toilet is?

2. You are willing to get off your ass to search the entire room for the TV remote. Why not walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When you say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4. When you say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is.
Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it?

5. When you say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

6. You ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When you introduce something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8. When you say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When we are waiting for the bus and you ask "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would we be standing here, dumbass?